Summer is almost here!
It’s been six months since the New Year, and I have decided that it’s time for a new set of resolutions (as if I were ever going to give up cake, beer, and the recreational use of Sudafed anyway). Summer is awesome, and it deserves its own set of rules, so here are a few things I will be giving up for my Summer Resolutions…
The bottom of my swimsuit hasn’t covered the bottom of my ass for a couple of years now. Partially because I ordered the wrong size (twice); partially because, well, because body parts shift a little more with each passing year. I could always get a new one, but we live in the middle of nowhere and I am now a little leery of ordering glorified underwear online.
But, I’ve had a revelation: no one is looking. We are so individually all consumed by our own perceived flaws that we hardly have time to notice anyone else. So you’ll be seeing me at the beach and on the boat this summer, exposed buns and all.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that we will be subsisting solely on grilled cheeseburgers, sandwiches, hot dogs and copious amounts of fruit this summer. I’m also declaring potato chips a legitimate side dish, particularly anything labeled “Sour Cream and Onion” which will also count as a vegetable, because onions are a vegetable you know.
Visions of How Our Home Could Look
You know, if we just spent thousands of dollars on landscaping and hours manicuring the lawn and finally stained the patio and built Adirondack chairs out of pallets and converted the fire pit into a gas burning fire table sparkling with blue glass.
Then I remember that we’re not existing on a Martha Stewart Living photo set. Our kids are always dirty and usually half naked. “Grass” is a generous term for what we have going on here and the dog barks at everyone who walks by while I scream at her to shut up and the kids yell back at me that I can’t say shut up. The neighbors have come to terms with this, and as of right now, so have I.
Lame Excuses for Not Visiting Friends and Family
Most of our closest friends and family live within three hours of here and we see them, oh every six months or so during a good year. That stops now. Life is too short and we’re just not that busy.
So, we’ll be spending a lot of quality family time in our dinged up, dirty, lacking air conditioning 2006 Chrysler Town and County minivan this summer, rolling into driveways on fumes like Cousin Eddie and crew. Consider yourselves warned friends, and don’t you go falling in love with it now, we plan on taking it with us when we leave next month.
I’m sure you are super inspired now, so… what are you Summer Resolutions?