My husband left for a long weekend last week.
I’m slightly embarrassed by the results. I mean, I know other parents handle more on their own ALL THE TIME. Alas, I’ve always been uncertain of motherhood and over the years, we’ve become a pretty good team… so I documented the weekend, should he get the crazy idea that he should ever leave me ever again. Like ever.
I’m so glad you’re going on this trip! The great thing is that the kids are a little bit older now and it’s not quite so exhausting be home with them without you. Everyone sleeps through the night, no one wears diapers, we can actually go on day trips without packing a week’s worth of supplies… I know 3 has a bit of a fever but I’m sure it will break soon. I’m really looking forward to some extra one on one time with the kids!
Have a great weekend, my love and don’t worry, I’ll keep you up to date on every minute so you don’t feel like you missed out this weekend 🙂
2:30 AM: 3 is screaming into the monitor, he went to bed with a bit of a fever so I rush to make sure he is ok. Thankfully, he is fine, just needed to let me know that he loves water parks and ate chicken nuggets for lunch. Good info buddy.
4:00 AM: 3 yells into the monitor asking for water, his temp is nearing 102 again; I administer ibuprofen and bring him downstairs to sleep with me.
4:45 AM: 7 comes downstairs to find out if it’s time to wake up yet. Also, where is 3? Why is 3 sleeping with me and can he sleep with me too? Desperate, I make room for him.
5:30 AM: 4 comes down howling at the injustice of being left upstairs all alone.
5:45 AM: Vowing to buy a bigger bed the minute you get home, the three kids, dog and I get up for the day.
4:00 PM: I pick 4 and 3 up from daycare with just enough time to run to the grocery store and grab something quick for dinner before getting 7 to soccer practice. My mind is slightly bogged down from lack of sleep, but we manage to grab a box of wine, popcorn, frozen pizza, a six pack of beer, shaved ham, a sucker, one pack of M&M’s and a pack of gum.
4:30 PM: We roll into the driveway to find 7 telling me we took forever and the TV isn’t working. Luckily, we have just enough time to throw the pizza in the over before practice.
4:55 PM: I know I often make fun of your military-esqe planning and time management but we could maybe use just a little bit of that right now. 7 can’t find his soccer ball or put on his cleats. Not that he’s incapable of putting on his cleats; he just can’t seem to follow through the motions of doing so without stopping to knock his little brother over. Meanwhile, 3 and 4 are in a heated argument over who the dog loves more. I now understand the term “like herding cats”; only the cats are rabid and seem to believe they are on their way to a gas chamber.
5:10 PM: We arrive a mere 10 minutes late (winning!) with all three kids and dog in tow. 3 wants to stay and watch practice with the dog, 4 wants to go home. I decide to stay since it will be a short practice and more work to get everyone back home again. 4 remains in the van howling over this injustice while I drag the dog, four blankets and three stuffed animals (“They want to watch the game too, Mom”) to the edge of the field.
5:12 PM: 3 decides he is thirsty and needs to go home immediately to get his water bottle. We reload. At home, the dog eats half of the pizza we didn’t get to, 4 falls asleep on the chair and 3 goes through five different water bottles before finding the “right one.”
6:00 PM: Back home with everyone, I don’t want to go into details. Questions for you: What is the soccer coach’s name? Emily? Allison? I’m sure you told me, but I must have filed that under, “Shit my husband knows so I don’t have to.” Also in that file? How to turn on the TV. I’m regretting my promise for popcorn and a movie.
8:00 PM: I instruct kids to use the bathroom and get a drink of water before bed. No one listens, or maybe no one hears? Have we had their hearing checked recently? I feel like it might be time to do that again, surely all three of them couldn’t blatantly ignore me like that right? Maybe I’m not actually saying it out loud, like all of those times I tell you in my head that I’m going out with my girlfriends but forget to do it in real life.
8:15 PM: 7 comes downstairs because he needs water and 3 yells into the monitor that he has to go to the bathroom and 4 runs into the living room screeching because she has a really, really itchy bad bugbite.
8:20 PM: 3 announces that he’s done, but peed on the floor a little bit. A little bit? Judging by the urine puddle, I suspect that the kids may have snuck a pony into the house. Have you seen any other signs of a small horse around? Something we’ll have to discuss when you get home. I throw a towel over it and vow to clean it up in the morning. Remember when we used to clean and sanitize urine puddles immediately? We were so cute back then.
10:00 AM, Soccer Game: The skies look threatening as we pull up to the field. I reassure 7 that they will call the game at the first sign of thunder. Yes, I know they only call games for lightening, but I’m buying some sanity here. 3 demands to carry the umbrella and against my better judgment I allow him to. In vain, I add,” but you can’t hit anyone with it.”
10:05 AM: It looks like we might miss the rain today! I close the umbrella and 3 proceeds to use it as a light saber against his sister.
10:10 AM: Downpour. 3, 4 and I rush to the van, fighting over umbrella coverage.
10:12 AM: At van, under full sunshine. Eff you mother nature. 3 and 4 decide to stay in van, I spend next half hour running between soccer game and van checking in on everyone.
10:42 AM: Pull 7 from soccer game to get him to flag football on time. You would be so proud, I even left a few minutes early to make sure I would have time to get 3 and 4 settled into their car seats!
10:45 AM: I open the van door to a scent I haven’t encountered since 3 graduated from diapers. I throw up in my mouth a little as 4 announces that she sharted. No, autocorrect, that is not a misspelling. Shart is the exact term I wanted to use. I guess this is why we still carry the economy bag of baby wipes right?
11:00 AM: Drop 7 off at flag football, enlist my parents to pick him up and head home with 3, 4 and a pile of stink.
I was going to drink less today, but cracked a beer at 11:30 instead. It’s 5:00 somewhere right?
Noon: Everyone has bathed and eaten, we’re on track for an early nap before catching some Notre Dame football.
1:30 PM: No one has slept, do you slip them Benedryl when I’m not looking or something?
1:45 PM: We give up on naptime, it’s beautiful out and 3 is feeling slightly better, we head to the lake park for a quick outing before the game. The dog comes along and I enthusiastically say, “Aren’t we so lucky to live three blocks from the lake?!” as we walk out the door.
2:00 PM: We’re still a block away from the park. 7 has a shoulder injury, 4 has bugbites, 3 suddenly wants to take a nap and the dog is panting.
2:45 PM: Back home. Everyone survived their injuries and the dog took a dip in the lake. Amongst complaints of “wet dog” smell, demands to “cover me!” and trying to figure out to turn on the TV I open another beer.
5:00 PM: Realize that we completely missed watching the Notre Dame game. Remember life pre-children when we watched entire football games on time and straight through? Yeah, me neither.
6:00 PM: I serve cereal (kids) and wine (me) for dinner, the kids go to bed at seven and I follow soon after.
10:00 PM: 3 is up with a fever and in bed with me again. I wake up feeling like I shared the space with a mule.
11:00 AM: So far, everyone has had a meltdown that involved yelling, “I want daddy!” for at least twenty minutes. And by everyone, I mean me.
11:30 AM: I just sent 3 upstairs with a hammer. Something needed “fixed” up there and I needed five minutes without hearing him say “mom”. I’m just going to apologize in advance for whatever is happening up there, but I don’t regret this decision at all.
Noon: We’ve just finished our third ham and cheese based meal of the weekend and grandma and grandpa arrived to take 4 and 7 to the nursing home with them. 3’s fever finally broke and he actually put himself down for a nap. I can’t decide if I should pour a beer or curl up on the couch in fetal position for an hour.
1:00 PM: Fetal position wins.
Signing off babe, looking forward to seeing you, your time management skills and knowledge of technology this evening.
Love, Your Wife
As always, thanks for stopping by Beer and Junk!
♥ Beer and Junk, Adventures in Parenting: Funny, Honest, Embarrassingly Sentimental ♥