Once upon a time there was a girl who hated the NFL.
The girl worked long hours waiting tables in college and on Sundays- this was a long time ago, in a land not so far away, when the NFL was only on Sundays and Monday nights- those tables were often filled with rabid football fans. The girl grew tired of serving beer and chicken wings and came to dread the Sunday shifts, and eventually the fans themselves, especially Raider fans who are the absolute worst.
And then one day while the girl and her peasant friends celebrated celebrated summer by waiting tables in a charming little lake town, she met a handsome prince disguised as a cute line cook standing behind a greasy grill. The prince swept the girl off of her feet, telling her that he loved sushi, hiking and dark roast coffee. The girl quickly fell in love with the prince, deciding that they would have beautiful children and live happily ever after.
And in that summer, when all was well with the world, the girl had no idea that a dark secret would soon be revealed to her.
Fall brought the girl and the prince back to their respective colleges and of course, back to the tables full of NFL fans. Then one fateful day, it happened, the girl looked over to see her handsome prince, who was visiting for the weekend, sitting at a table wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey and screaming at a game on the nearest TV.
In that instant the girl saw the future of long weekend hikes through the fall foliage slip away, replaced with domestic beer, chicken wings and hours spent yelling at grown men on a TV screen.
It took awhile, but the girl decided that she would love the prince anyway. It took awhile, and one phone call when the girl was stranded on the side of the road during a Packer/ Viking football game, but the prince realized that a few things are more important that football. It took awhile, but when the girl finally stopped waitressing, she found that the other side of the table to be quite fun. It too awhile, but eventually the prince learned to love dark roast coffee, spurred by necessity in the birth of their oldest son. Although, he still hates sushi.
The girl and the prince moved forward with life as planned.
They had three beautiful children, just as the girl knew they would. They spent a lot of time outdoors, when the Packers weren’t playing of course. They attempted hiking occasionally and they drank a lot of dark roast coffee. And just when life was it’s most full of dirty diapers and little people and paying bills and building careers, another long held secret was revealed and suddenly the prince’s fairy god sister emerged into their lives.
Despite never having known each other, the prince and his fairy god sister looked very much alike and both enjoyed yelling things at the TV during sporting events like,
“What is he thinking?! You don’t run the freaking ball on 3rd and 10!”
The fairy god sister loved to make dreams come true and so she often said things like,
“Oh, look, I bought you the most fabulous Hunter boots!”
and, “Let’s all go to Wrigley field!”
And then one day the fairy god sister and her husband said the most beautiful words the Prince had ever heard:
“We have tickets to the Packer play off game for you.”
So the girl and the Prince headed to the magical city of Green Bay, WI. They stayed in the city’s enchanted downtown, where Irish pubs dotted the corners and shops lined the streets. They ate the most wonderful food and met beautiful people and of course, drank lots of coffee.
All of which was followed by a Packer beat down so wonderful that it warmed the hearts (although not the hands or feet) of everyone in the stadium. And so the girl, with the help of a handsome prince and his fairy god sister learned to love yelling, Go Pack Go! Even when it was freaking cold outside.
Although she still thinks Raider fans are the worst and that fantasy football is the dumbest thing she has ever heard of.